Behind the Veil

I started attending AA meetings when I finally stopped hurting myself with my out-of-control behavior. In the 12-step program, I began to work on myself, for I knew it was the next step to healing while in recovery. I understood it was essential to analyze and work through my feelings to understand my triggers. I was afraid but quickly learned to take it one day at a time. It wasn't an easy process, but it was the only way to heal when I knew I couldn't go back to my old ways of living. I had attended AA meetings regularly for about two years when the pandemic began, and I lost my father to Covid-19 shortly after that. In my grief and shock, I started to question life and if there was more, which was prompted by a dream of my father. My father was pleading with me in this dream, but I couldn't hear his voice. It was like watching a silent movie. It stirred up old insecurities in me that made me think the worst. I thought my father was yelling at me, telling me how disappointed he was in me. It hurt, but I knew I had to work through it. This became a need that grew into an itch to learn more.

This feeling grew a little more each day until I had my first real awakening on the first anniversary of my father's passing. I found so many things that were so profound during this time, which created an even deeper do more research. It felt like someone flipped an on switch inside me, and suddenly everything started to make sense to me one day. Suddenly, the path I needed to take started to become more visible. I realized humanity has become addicted to knowing it all. The big problem with this need is the information released by the media doesn't always include all the facts. The truth is, so much hidden information awaits to be discovered for our evolution. Please do your research, but I caution you to be prepared for what you find on the quest. I became drawn to mysticism, science, and metaphysics, which is when I came across the powers of energy healing.

In my teens, I remember being attracted to astrology and mysticism. I remember being fascinated by spells and incantations. I was intrigued by anything paranormal, which led to my interest in supernatural films. This was unusual, another reason I never felt like I fit anywhere. I had very few close friends, but I'd usually prefer to be alone. When I did hang out with my friends, they became an outlet for me. We tried to push the envelope like any teen does to feel free and in control. I wasn't promiscuous but became pregnant when I was 16. I was utterly lost and so grateful my parents helped me, even though they were shocked and saddened by this. I had my son, who was a premature baby with some health issues but nothing serious he couldn't grow out of. Having a child at such a young age is traumatizing in itself. I had to be a mother, and I wasn't prepared for this since I was still a kid. I still wanted my freedom, which created so much drama my parents didn't need and certainly didn't deserve. This memory came to me when I dreamt of my father's silent voice echoing somewhere in space and time. I found out later I was so wrong.

This dream triggered some unhealed parts of me I was still holding onto from the past. I had to learn to walk through fire and feel the burn to understand how we can be triggered unexpectedly. I don't have regrets anymore, especially when I realized that we struggle with things we repress, which keeps us stuck in a loop. It took me time to see my choices were just pieces of a giant puzzle that life scattered around, from the memories I wanted to forget. I had to be ready to put the puzzle pieces together to find the answers to understand the choices I made in my life. Life is full of many lessons. Unfortunately, when we repress our feelings, we deny ourselves the chance to work through these experiences to let them go. We are the only ones who can find the answers to the lessons in our own life. Learning to meditate will help tremendously. We don't realize how much we think daily, especially when we believe our feelings and emotions are stored in our conscious minds. All our life experiences, emotions, and feelings associated with the experiences are held in our subconscious minds. So unless we release these repressed feelings, we will be stuck in time. This is why energy healing is so important, for it removes these blockages to allow us to live in the present and let go of the past.

I grew up in a world that never made sense to me, and I never felt part of it. I hated how oversensitive I was and thought being strong was pretending nothing bothered me. I recently learned I was an Empath, but that is another story. An Empath is a person able to feel another individual's mental or emotional state. It took me decades to finally understand why people made me feel so uncomfortable. I was depressed a lot. I felt like a triangle trying to fit into a square hole. What I learned from these experiences is the understanding we are all here to learn. Religion taught me that I would go to heaven if I followed the Ten Commandments. It taught me that we are all born with sin, but we are cleansed when we become baptized. I learned we could ask God for forgiveness but only the clergy if we sin. I am summarizing what I took from religion. However, many things were distorted to create fear for compliance, while other information was left entirely out.

So when I discovered that we are made in God's image (literally), and we have all the power within us to manifest our dream, I didn't believe it. If someone had told me this a few years ago, I would have looked at them cross-eyed and thought they were delusional. My mind was incapable of handling this information because I wasn't ready. We must realize there is more to life than this reality, and we can create the life we desire, but it will require us to change our perception and be open. When we are closed-minded, we limit ourselves to the possibilities around us. That is why so many people feel confined in their situation, for they aren't ready. When we lift the veil, we can start to see the world as it truly is. Our opportunities become endless when we no longer feel blocked by fear, anger, resentment, shame, guilt, low self-worth, or sadness.

I learned to let go of the things that no longer serve my highest good. We struggle when we don't realize we are still holding onto mistakes from the past that keep us feeling trapped. Unfortunately, people will become comfortable with their dysfunction when that is all they know. I was for decades. Our traumas can be like the layers found in an onion, which requires us to become a little braver to look at them, when these feelings begin to surface, for that is the only way to heal. I didn't know who I was and thought I was a lost cause. My fragile state of mind was weak, and I ate, drank, and took prescription drugs to avoid feeling anything. I had no idea this would prolong the journey ahead. When we overcome our fear and start to heal, it will lead us to awaken the curious child inside us. We will learn to embrace our feelings and learn to love ourselves. Children will crawl before they learn to walk. So as adults, we must learn to understand the hurt and to let it go so we can heal. As we continue to work through this, we will find the answers for our soul life and purpose. What will we do next?

We are souls having a human experience. The thoughts we have about ourselves create the life we are presently living, and these thoughts are buried deep inside our subconscious minds. This truth can be hard to believe for those still stuck in their programmed belief system. If you found this page, you are starting to awaken. Let me help you get started on your journey.

"This is to love: to fly toward a secret sky; to cause a hundred veils to fall at one moment. First, to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet." - Rumi

"In the long run, the unpleasant truth is a safe companion than a pleasant falsehood." - Theodore Roosevelt

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Please email me at jackie@theaddictinme.com if you have any questions or want to set up a free discovery session to help you get started on your healing journey. Suffering is not supposed to be a part of life. We are here to learn, grow and evolve so we can live a happy, healthy, and productive life. We can do so much more than we could possibly imagine. Let me get you started.